The day Nellie the Elephant sacked off Circus training

Speeding through airport security after a few beep beeps here and a few ‘excuse me madam, can you step back and walk through once again’ orders there (thank you fitbit, dodgy silver rings I made in bali and metal permanent retainers for your co-operation as per usual), and it was then another quick dash to gate no.10 having overspent an hour or two trying to squish 8 different shapes little bottles and pots into an even smaller little bag earlier on.

“Oh crap!”. Where’s my sodding elephant? Just what you hear every 28 year old sigh in a public, if ever at all.

You see, it wasn’t long before this, having previously lost my old neck pillow to the streets of Bali over the summer, that my mother had spent some time effing and blinding her way through cobwebs and an old pair of skis up in the attic to find the neck pillow she swore I still had. She was right, we did still have one, she just forget to mention that it was the same bright blue elephant neck pillow I had aged 8, just with a little more mouse eaten holes and mouse droppings on than before, but with a couple 7 hour plane journeys ahead of me I wasn’t ever going to say no, but I certainly was going to chuck it in a quick 180 degree hot wash, with extra Vanish, before leaving.

Fast forward 24 hours and I’m retracing my steps back through the airport in a panic, not for the reason that the gate might close but for the reason as to where the sodding did my elephant go? It was at that moment that I spotted a bright blue trunk fling into the air. What the hell? He found a trampoline or something? No. Worse that that, a little girl no younger than when I first got given it, sprung out of nowhere and was tossing it in the sky as if it was a fricken Nerf gun bullet. I was torn; does thee 28 year old go and take away the little 8 year old girl’s new found toy or doesn’t one? Then as if Mr William Shakespeare answered my very own question right there and then, it took just one stomp of the little girls Velcro flashing trainers onto the trunk of my elephant neck pillow that thee 28 year old did in fact, stomp over in Nellie The Elephant fashion and gesture my hand out for it back after seeing the little girl further throw it to the ground a few times as if poor Nellie was trash. What a bitch.

It was a first of many things today:

1. Brushing off mouse droppings from an elephant with a dustpan and brush

2. My 28 year old self confidently marching towards an infant barely out of nappies to demand a squishy neck toy back

3. And last but not least, Nellie The Elephant packed her truck and said ‘p*ss off!’ to a 6 year old sobbing girl and sacked off the circus training that day

#thatsminethankyouverymuch

#nellietheelephantdidnotgotothecircus